I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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