the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
