He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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