Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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