you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
