he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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