There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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