my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
