Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
