Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
