Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
