You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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