you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
