Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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