He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
