she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
