He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
