No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
