come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
