If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
