So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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