I want to stick my p in your. b.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
