Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
