any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
