I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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