I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
