Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
