I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is this like a preordered booty call?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
