If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
