I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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