Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
