I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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