I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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