Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
