I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
