Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
