Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
