I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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