She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
