I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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