Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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