Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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