in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
