i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it's like iHOP with fire
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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