This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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