ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she told me i tasted like america
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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