I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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