I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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