I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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