It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
