We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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