this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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