but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
