if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
