I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
