i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
