i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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