Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
