I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
