It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
