My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
