Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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