How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
