New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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