I heard we made out
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
