nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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