bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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