ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
